i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize