like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
