and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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