yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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