I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we're making bets on your personal life
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
