Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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