Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
