Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
