U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
