Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
