dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
