i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize