peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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