Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
