I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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