College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
