I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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