i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
