I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
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