If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
