That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
