At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
