Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
