They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
