you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
