so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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