Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
