It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize