She is in my trunk
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize