i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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