Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
