No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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