You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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