Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
