The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
