careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize