Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And then the night went full on bisexual.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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