I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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