My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
