Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
