so explain again why im purple
no
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
