i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
