I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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