He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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