Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
