i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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