Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The cops high fived after they tackled you
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
