there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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