Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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