I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
