Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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