You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
