you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize