He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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