You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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