nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
