something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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