it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
