some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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