Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize