does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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