i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
