I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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