so explain again why im purple
no
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think i got beer on your cat.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize