I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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