i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i believe in u and ur pee
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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