but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize