I just made out with a guy for $7.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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